The past few months have been unfortunate. A handful of warm, cheery days sprinkled between bouts of 45-degree weather and ice-cold rain made it seem like summer is a mere figment of the imagination. Winter coats were stowed, and then brought back out, and then stowed again, etc. Running around outside to have adventures, for the most part, sounded awful. Staying inside a warm/dry shelter and catching up on every season of 30 Rock, however, did not.

But the winter’s cruel teasing has finally subsided and a renewed energy is pulsing, begging to make up for the nights lost being a complete lethargic recluse while cursing the outdoors. It's time to socially overcompensate. That’s right: it’s time to party. Brush up on these five skills that make you the most prime party guest before getting down: 

DJing

What you need: An iTunes library worth bragging about, sense of rhythm, a bit of tech know-how, and an 1/8-inch to RCA cable. (Hopefully the host already has a sound system. If not, chances are you’re at the lamest party ever and should leave.)

The atmosphere of a get-together starts with the music. But unfortunately, you can't just put on "Don't Stop Believing" and expect everyone to rally, unless you're in the cast of Glee or intoxicated on watery beer. Anyone else will sigh heavily and give you the stink eye. Compose your playlist based on the audience: ask for requests prior to the happening. Once that set is on, gauge their reaction from song-to-song to see what's working (singing along and dance offs) and what's not (stink eye). If all else fails, remember these two words: Biggie Smalls. 

Matchmaking 

What you need: Listening skills, single friends.  

This label goes to the social butterfly-wannabe who really, really wants to find an excuse not to personally engage in small talk. Telling others what you do for a living and where you're from can be exhausting the thirtieth time around. Instead, partake in conversations that revolve around other people's small talk as a matchmaker. It's easy: Find some single friends, or friends who are so jaded with their on-again, off-again S.O.s that a new "friend" would be preferable at this point. Then, get them talking.

Drive the conversation between these people by excitably pointing out commonalities and keeping yourself out of it as much as possible. You should sound something like this: "Jack, did you know Jill was from Chicago, too? (Pause.) Oh, Jill's a writer—Jack dabbled in writing. He wrote the best song in college about his pet iguana. Oh right, you love animals Jill don't you!? How great!" Back away slowly, leaving the two to talk. Go home alone and catch up on 30 Rock.

Bartending (Oh, excuse me) Tending Bar

What you need: Top-notch knowledge of a number of recipes (here’s a bunch to get you started) or fuzzy knowledge and a great palate, confident pour skills, a cocktail shaker (you can rig one out of a mason jar, if you're feeling crafty or broke).

If you always wanted to be the hot bartender but decided to go with an office gig and now you resent your khaki pants, here's your time to shine. Set up base at the bar (a.k.a. the kitchen island) and start mixing drinks for your friends. Share your passion for delicious alcoholic beverages while making witty observations about the world. And go ahead, drink on the job. Just try to limit the number of times you say, "Woops, that's a strong one!" 

Make that Manhattan.

Tarot card reading

What you need: a tarot card deck, knowledge about it, strong intuition, experience with a therapist.

No need to garner an audience with a fancy display or indigo-colored tablecloth scattered with tea lights. Even skeptics want their cards read. Simply inquire, “Who wants their tarot cards read?” and prepare to hear too many personal details about other people. You can then offer a disclaimer that you're not really a pro and you might actually be too buzzed to give proper life guidance, but it's not required. You're not getting paid. It's up to you how you read the deck, but if you'd like to avoid gypsy overtones, ask the subject if they would like insight on a specific aspect of their life or with their life in general, as based in the present. Plus, your own therapy sessions will likely come in handy if it's about them and their feelings about stuff happening right now. While the cards are being shuffled (up to you if you're doing it or the curious subject is), ask them to concentrate on whatever they want to know about. 

After shuffling, the deck is cut into three, and then put back together (again, who does it and how it's done is your call). Then try out the easiest three-card spread: Start in the center, then place one card left and one card right (facing the person whose cards are being read). The one in the center is the present. The ones flanking can be...perhaps issues that have contributed to the situation at hand, or maybe one describes what led up to the present and the other is what is a likely outcome if this path is continued further. Decipher the symbols of these cards (there are good resources here and here). Ask questions throughout the reading—tarot cards are more about unveiling insights together than telling someone else what to do. Avoid any negative subject that might make a person weep (a recent death, their puppy's heart murmur, a divorce). Then you'd just be that jerk at the party who made someone cry. If the person seems unfulfilled by their just-for-fun reading, give them the card for your therapist. Proceed to ask your therapist for a discount for recommending so many people. 

Bathroom Attending 

What you need: Have you been a nanny in the past? Great. You probably already have all the supplies necessary in your diaper bag-like purse: antibacterial hand wipes, a Tide-to-Go pen, tampons…

Don’t fret fellow party guest—it’s you to the rescue! Tap that need to nurture or quick ability to problem solve and hang out near the line to the bathroom. Blot stains with ice cubes and soda water, give tissues to the woman who's crying after getting her tarot cards read, offer a piece of gum to the dude who just got in from smoking a cigarette. (What, you're just trying to help his oral fixation!). You will make many people's nights and gain mad karma points. 

[Top image via The Craft Fiend] 

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