HDYGG: Mayday, Mayday! The Tomatoes Have Taken Over

06/14/2011

HDYGG: Mayday, Mayday! The Tomatoes Have Taken Over

Helen Jupiter

As I write this, it's been exactly 68 days since I planted my eight tomato seedlings from Tomatomania. 68 days since our photo shoot for the June/July issue of the magazine, which you've hopefully already received in the mail or picked up at a newsstand. 68 days in which I've watched, always with amazement and occasionally in horror, as my tomato seedlings grew into towering, looming leviathans.

When I planted them, I set a cage around each seedling. Within a couple of weeks, it was clear that the cages I had chosen were too small. So I pulled them out (one was repurposed for a cucumber seedling; the others will find their place eventually) and replaced them with bigger cages. I got the biggest ones they had at OSH. They gave the seedlings about another foot of height to grow into.

This photo was taken on April 3. Cute little seedling I'm holding in my hand there, eh? Just a tender, harmless little thing:

This photo was taken of the same bed, 68 days later on June 9:

Hellllllp! Can you see me back there? No? I'm inside the plant, breathlessly recording a distress signal and praying that you'll pick it up on your transceiver. Eek! Watch out for that polar bear!!

As you can see, the tomatoes have scoffed at my cages. They've made a mockery of them. They've grown so fast, I haven't been able to keep up with pushing them back into their cages. They've grown so big, there's no more room in their cages. They've grown so tall, they shot straight up through the tops of their cages and have begun reaching out and over. If you try to walk past them, they snag and grab at you. I had been planning to eat a lot of tomatoes this summer, but now I think the tomatoes are going to eat me. Yesterday, one asked me for...BLOOD!

Remember back when I first blogged about the varieties of tomato seedlings I planted? Seven of the eight plants were indeterminate, and one was determinate. Indeterminate tomato plants will grow and produce fruit until killed by frost. They can reach heights of up to 12 feet, although 6 feet is apparently "normal." I think my plants are aiming for 12 feet. Actually, I think they're aiming for total dominion over the earth. Maybe they are reptilian humanoids in tomato clothing.

Want to have a chuckle at my expense? I actually tried tying them to their cages with little bits of string at first. A week later I realized that it had been a futile endeavor, and snipped them all off.

So much for that.

A number of people have asked me what I'm doing to get them to grow so well. I wish I could say that I'm singing to them and reading them poetry, but that would be a lie. Mostly I'm just trying not to get lost in them. The best I can surmise is that the dude who helped me at Tomatomania was messing with me (I told him that I was planning on putting four plants in each bed, and these are the varieties he selected. I do admit, however, that numbers are not my strong point, and that I may have been slightly off when I reported the size of said beds. Only slightly, though.) It's also quite possible that they just adore the amount of sun they're getting, and that they've found the vegan fertilizer I prepped the beds with to be especially delicious.

The simple fact? My tomatoes have totally, entirely, completely outgrown their cages, and I don't know what to do. Prune? Re-stake? Pray to the Forest Spirit?

The Tomato Gardening Guru says that "Caged tomatoes are generally pruned down to four or five producing stems, though Charles H. Wilbur, he of the 25 foot-tall tomato plants, goes for 18, one tied to each vertical wire of his homemade tomato cages." He also says that "if your tomato outgrows its cage and decides to start growing down instead of up, don't instantly reach for the pruning shears or a longer support pole. Many tomato plants grow to the top of their cages and then droop down over them and continue to produce. Remember that these are vines. If a major stem develops a kink that looks like trouble and you're trying to keep your plant on a vertical track, try splinting it with a stick and several twist ties, and stake the stem securely along its whole length. You can extend cages either by adding wire on top or by setting long stakes inside them."

Looks like I've got some pruning and reinforcing ahead of me. If you don't hear from me next week, send out a search party.

Have you had a tomato plant (or eight) outgrow its cage? What did you do?

18 Comments

TAGS: heirlooms how does your garden grow tomatoes tomatomania

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08/28/2011
uggsale2u
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06/22/2011
Poet
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Craftzine.com posted you folks are going out of print. Will the sight stay up? Posted here as the subject interested me and i didn't see where the editors listed this was happening.
06/21/2011
GreenmanTN
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I did my planting late this year, mainly through laziness. Then we had a HUGE hailstorm that really did a number on everyone's gardens (not to mention houses and cars), destroying many plants so they had to replaced anyway, so now I'm claiming wisdom instead! I'm really tempted to say I knew it was coming because the way the beetles were acting or some other bit of folk wisdom. Nah, everyone would see through it because despite the fact this is my 4th year doing a garden it's pretty obvious I'm making it up as I go along. (My elderly neighbor still hasn't let me live down the fact that after he told me to buy an expensive spray to stop the "bloom end rot" on my tomatoes and squash I used crushed dollar store calcium rich antacids instead. Hey, it worked!)
06/17/2011
Milla
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Our garden is super late - I'm jealous of your Killer Tomatoes!
06/14/2011
trinka
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I could use you in my garden!!!!!!!!!