You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have: The facts of life, The facts of life...  

What do Natalie, Jo, Tootie, Blair, and Mrs. Garrett have to do with zucchini? Not a whole lot, but I found myself humming The Facts of Life theme song in my garden recently. It's catchy in the way most 80s TV theme songs were*, and it was relevant to my work that morning. 

You see, I was pollinating zucchini. It's not that I don't trust the bees to do it, it's that... Well, OK--I wasn't entirely sure that I trusted the bees, and I really wanted to feel useful. I planted two types of summer squash seedlings last month: One yellow and one green. I had to fight the urge to plant more, but considering what I've learned about my tomatoes, and taking into account how many people have told me that I'm going to be up to my ears in zucchini, I decided to start slow. 

Within a couple of weeks, they'd already done a fair bit of growing, and pretty zucchini blossoms were beginning to appear left and right. Did you know that you can eat zucchini blossoms? They're delicious stuffed, fried, sauteed, or even raw. But, before you eat your zucchini blossoms, make sure you give your plant enough time to, ehrm...get fertilized.

There are a couple of ways to handle this touchy subject.

1. Sit down with your squash and explain to it that, "When two zucchini flowers love each other very, very much..."   
2. Or better yet, put on a little mood music, grab a Q-tip, and make the magic happen.

What I'm trying to say is, squash plants produce both male and female flowers and, one way or another, the two must meet in order to have a successful crop of zucchini babies. This is what bees do best, but if the bees buzz off and the first few fruits wither or blacken and fall from the plant, feel free to offer a little assistance in the form of hand-pollination. Here's what you need to know: The male flower has a single, simple stamen, covered in dust-like pollen. The female flower is much more complex. 

See the difference? To hand pollinate, you can use a cotton swab or a small, clean artist's paintbrush to transfer pollen from the male to the female flower. Or, you can just pick a male flower, pull its petals off, and use it to pollinate the female flowers directly. Be careful not to damage the female flowers, and definitely don't pick them. From what I read, if you have a lazy bee population and are depending largely on hand-pollination, you should try to pollinate as many of the female flowers as you can to ensure a large crop.

Once your zucchini has been pollinated, stand back: These babies grow fast! For ideal flavor and production, harvest small and often. Here's a photo of my first zucchini harvest. That big green guy doubled in size overnight. The tiny, sad looking squashes are examples of the fruit that fell off the plant before it was fertilized. 

Fair notice: I have a sneaking suspicion that my garden is going to be the zucchini equivalent of 19 Kids and Counting this summer. 

*My friend Darcey chose what, in my humble opinion, was the best song for a wedding first dance ever: The Family Ties theme song. No one was expecting it, so when the (awesome) band started playing, there was a lot of, "I know this song...what is this?" going on in the crowd. Then people started 'getting it,' which caused widespread amusement. Finally, it's really short. All around genius. Sha-la-la-lahh. 

You can follow more of this series at Front Yardening.

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